Critique of WSJ: The Lessons I’ve Learned From My Friends’ Expensive Divorces

Original Author: Julia Carpenter

Critique by: Managan L. Johnson

In my previous reporting, I’ve researched quite a bit about just how beneficial it can be for couples to combine finances. Studies show this enables them to maximize their potential to grow wealth and even leads to both partners feeling happier in the relationship. 

But after witnessing their first wave of divorces, many younger people are embracing a different approach. “I’m doing a lot of prenuptial agreements for people who are younger, and they are for the most part wanting to keep their money separate, which is interesting and very different from the way prenups were done 10 to 20 years ago,” says Lisa Zeiderman, a New York-based divorce lawyer.  . . .

Inspired by this approach, my girlfriend and I have adopted something similar. To save for a down payment on a future house, we contribute near-equal amounts to a joint high-yield savings account that we opened together. We also share a credit card to use when we buy groceries, pay our dog’s vet bills or handle other shared expenses. 

But at the same time, we both maintain separate checking accounts and saving accounts, for our own individual needs. This way, should disaster ever strike, we’re both able to maintain a level of personal autonomy and build our own lives anew. 

After all, as Gale put it, “Autonomy equals equality.” 

Read the entire article here: https://www.wsj.com/personal-finance/financial-lessons-from-divorce-b4601bad?mod=hp_jr_pos2

Articles about prenups and marital finances, especially when written by young people without kids, are often cringeworthy in how much they miss the big picture. If your marriage simply amounts to being roommates with your partner, then a prenup is probably an excellent idea. But if you’re planning for a more traditional marriage, especially one that invovles children, the illusion that keeping separate financial accounts somehow gives you “autonomy,” is laughable. The children you have with your partner are going to bind you to that person for years, likely decades, after divorce. AND that prenup isn’t going to help you at all with child custody or child support issues, for which you will require legal representation.

Futhermore, for young mothers carrying, birthing, and raising young children, the idea that their husband’s separate financial accounts make both of them “equal” and therefore equally autonomous, is obnoxious and sickening. The above article also ignores the reality that unequal earnings are going to lead to unequal “autonomy.” Not to mention fights and constant misunderstandings about what the couple can and cannot reasonably afford.

“Separate” also usually equates with “secret.” Solid marriages aren’t built on hiding financial secrets from your partner.