Goop: The 5 Relationship Issues Therapy Can’t Fix

Written by: Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT Published on: April 20, 2023

Many of the following examples represent what may, in fact, be deal breakers for going forward. Deal breakers usually involve two people pointing in different directions in areas significant to each of them. Despite the presence of flat-out deal breakers—where one person desperately wants something the other does not—partners will often go forward, kicking the can down the road. It’s a dangerous decision, yet people will do this anyway.

“My Partner Had Me Sign a Prenuptial Agreement”

I understand the need for prenups. They make sense to me. Having said that, in my work as a couple therapist, I find that some prenups can greatly unlevel the field for a couple. For example, one partner comes into the marriage with a lot of money, the other with very little or none. The prenup protects the partner with money from ever sharing their funds with the other. There’s no shared couple fund and so no shared equity and leverage in managing money.

In my opinion, that complicates governance. The couple cannot claim equality and authority. What often happens is that the party with money calls the shots. Now, if two people agree to such a prenup, that’s a structural issue that cannot be resolved through couple work as no one should sign a prenup that they believe is unfair or won’t work. Yet, I continue to see couples who, post-marriage, hold grudges against the partner who required the prenup. I’ve worked premarital cases where a prenup put one of the partners in a bad financial situation.

Read the entire article here: https://goop.com/wellness/relationships/5-structural-relationship-issues/